Mock ad · Not a real product · Nothing here is for sale
Halloween headquarters
Be a Wildcard this Halloween!
Kids! Grown-ups! Grown-ups who act like kids! Now you can dress up as your favorite Wildcard with the all-new Wildcards Costume & Mask. Molded plastic face! Crinkly vinyl suit! The exact same orange tie! Collect all four*.
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Catalog no. WC-001
Gully
- Canada flag pin, factory-installed.
- Molded cap. Will not come off. Neither does his.
- Soap sold separately. He would prefer you didn’t touch it either.
Meet the real GullyOrder now!
Sorry, sold out. Gully says sorry too. Twice.
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Catalog no. WC-002
The Wet Guy
- Luxurious molded blonde curls.
- Stays completely dry. Results not guaranteed.
- Orange glasses that stay on through any segment.
Meet the real Wet GuyOrder now!
Sold out. The warehouse floor is wet and nobody knows why.
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Catalog no. WC-003
Mr. Stevie (Masters Edition)
- Premium beard, now 40% beardier.
- Masters Edition: shinier box, same suit.
- The Professor’s patience not included.
Meet the real Mr. StevieOrder now!
Sold out. Mr. Stevie is producing a theme song about it instead.
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Catalog no. WC-004
Hemi
- Aerodynamic scalp. Zero wind resistance.
- Ships with a footrub coupon. Do not redeem.
- Chaos with good hair, minus the hair.
Meet the real HemiOrder now!
Sold out. Hemi is offering footrubs as an apology. Please decline.
The only way to get one
Make it yourself.
Black suit. Black shirt. Orange tie. Orange-tinted sunglasses. Then pick your Wildcard: a black cap for Gully, blonde curls for the Wet Guy, a big black beard for Mr. Stevie, or no hair at all for Hemi.
Wear it, take a picture, and post it tagging @wildcardsradio. Best one might get read out on the show.
*Not really. This is a joke ad made for the show: there is no costume, no mask, and nothing to buy, so please don’t send money to anyone selling one. The “For ages 4–10” on the box is part of the gag too. Wildcards Radio itself is an explicit comedy show for adults.